Drunk Elves In Dresses
by The Starving Writer
Summary: Aragorn and Legolas get a tad bit drunk, and wake up the next morning married to eachother! NOT Slash, just a bit of fun! Rated T just to be safe.


Aragorn woke up with a head ache to rival all others. How he had managed to get that drunk in one night was beyond him. Apparently, Hobbit- brewed ale was stronger than he had expected. He tried to sit up, and fell out of the chair he had been draped across.

"Oh, Aragorn. You're awake." Legolas helped him to his feet. Aragorn noticed that the elf looked unusually nervous. Maybe it was just the hangover.

"Morning, Legs."

He was in a bedroom at the Prancing Pony, and judging by the sunlight coming through the window, it was almost noon. The fog in his head had cleared a little, and he could remember bits and pieces of the night before. Merry and Pippin had followed he, Legolas, and Gimli to Bree. Aragorn and his companions were on their way back to Rivendell after a visit with Frodo. The hobbits had brought along a barrel of ale. It had been opened with much cheering, and that was the last thing he could recall.

"Has breakfast been served yet?" he asked.

"Probably," Legolas said quickly.

"Oh well. I'm sure the hobbits are in the middle of some meal."

"About the hobbits… They might-"

But Aragorn had already opened the door.

Pippin was sitting on the railing. He stood when he saw Aragorn.

"Why look Merry, it's the glowing newly weds."

Merry and Gimli broke into a fit of hysterical laughter.

Aragorn's eyes widened. He shoved Legolas back into the room and slammed the door shut.

"Legolas, what happened last night?"

Legolas shifted uncomfortably. "Well, um," He took a deep breath, and then began talking so fast it bordered on babbling. "You know the dress Frodo sent for Arwen, well, Merry commented on how good I would look in it, and I was a little drunk, so I tried it on, and you said you would marry a girl that looked like that, and, well, look at your hand." He gasped for air.

With a feeling of dread, Aragorn looked down. There was a small gold band on his ring finger, inscribed with the word 'Beloved'. He yanked it off and threw it across the room as if it had burned him. "I can't believe I _married_ you. Arwen would kill me if she ever found out."

Merry's head appeared through a crack in the door. "I suggest you start planning your funeral, then. We sent out a messenger this morning, to spread the joyous news."

Aragorn turned slowly. "Meriadoc."

"Yes."

"I suggest you leave now, or there will be two funerals on our hands."

"Point taken."

Merry scurried away, while Aragorn spouted off a string of choice curses that made even Gimli's ears sting.

* * *

Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli left shortly after lunch. The hobbits waved after them before turning the other way to head back home. The journey back to Imladris was uncomfortably quiet, except for an occasional muffled chuckle from Gimli. Legolas had taken to jumping at every small sound. Aragorn, on the other hand, had become unusually testy.

Arwen was waiting in Rivendell, too pregnant to make the full ride to Hobbiton. Because of this, he didn't just have a trio of in-laws waiting to make his life miserable. He also had a very hormonal wife to contend with.

Elladan and Elrohir met them at the gate, carrying bags of white confetti. They scattered it everywhere, but a mysteriously large amount ended up in a rather indignant Gimli's beard.

"Congratulations, brother," Elladan said loudly. "We always thought you and Legolas would make a wonderful pair."

"Yes," Elrohir added. "Although my sister might not agree."

"Please tell me you didn't tell Arwen," Aragorn said pleadingly.

"Well, if that's what you want, she has no idea," Elladan said.

Aragorn glared at him.

"Of course she knows," Elrohir said. "You, of all people, should know you can't keep a secret from her."

Aragorn groaned. He was doomed.

* * *

Elrond and his daughter were waiting for them in one of the many gardens. He was trying desperately to keep a straight face, resulting in a half-smirk not typical of his dignified personality.

"Hello Aragorn, Legolas."

Gimli cleared his throught loudly.

"And Gimli."

"Hello, Elrond." Aragorn reached forward to take Arwen's hand. "Hello, Arwen."

Arwen grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him away from the others. " I heard some interesting things about your visit to Hobbiton, Aragorn."

Aragorn smiled uneasily. "Really, what would those be?" Arwen gave him The Look, and he decided it was a lost cause. "I'm sorry?" he tried.

"Really?" Arwen addressed him as if he were a naughty child.

"Yes."

She stepped back and studied him, considering. Finally, she looked down at her large stomach. "What do you think?" She smiled. "I guess I'll forgive you, but you've got your child to thank."

Aragorn put a large hand on her belly. "Don't worry. I will."

" You know, Aragorn, you really should be more assertive, instead of acting like a beaten dog every time she looks at you."

Elladan was leaning casually against a tree, grinning roguishly.

"Elladan!" Arwen yelled. Her brother paled.

"All right, all right, no need to shout. I'll go find someone who'll actually appreciate my presence." He sprinted off, no doubt to go harass Legolas.

"I suppose I should be thankful." Arwen said.

"For what?"

"For the fact that you turned out much better behaved than my brothers."

"Does that mean you're not mad at me?" Aragorn asked hopefully.

Arwen smiled a little. "For now, at least. Just remember. You're married to _me_."

Aragorn put an arm around her waist. "How could I forget?"

THE END 


End file.
